Has Virgil got a Girlfriend at Last?

I was so impressed by the Sat nav the other weekend and goaded on by my work mates, I rushed into Sainsbury's and bought a bargain one for under £30.

After a kind colleague had read the instruction book and explained it all to me, I wizzed out of work at the end of the day to put it in my car to test how good it was on the drive home.

The posh lady (up there with Virgil or whichever Thunderbird it was in number 5) really wasn't any good at directions, which was something of a disappointment. I was on a lovely dual carriageway (or 'George Cabbageway' as my children used to call them) heading in a nice straight line for home. 'Turn left' she said. 'Turn left now' in a firm, no-nonsense voice reminiscent of the Thatcher years. I ignored her, knowing I didn't want to mill around the next town in the opposite direction. She went quiet and sulky for a bit (giving Virgil a hard time I expect). When I got to the next main roundabout where it was obvious I should turn right she said 'Turn left', trying to get me to that town again. This was getting very annoying. She had a thing about turning left, and at a huge set of traffic lights where there wasn't even a left turn said 'Turn left', 'Turn left now'. I glared at the annoying device and it responded by pinging off the windscreen and dropping onto the dashboard.

By the time I got home (and after another attempt at her sabotaging my route by telling me to turn left when I needed to go right) I was completely disillusioned.

I need Virgil to sort her out, and preferably take over.