Thursday, 5 July 2012

Traffic Jam

I spent some time motionless in my car today.  Pick a multiple, any multiple, and that's how much longer it felt it took to travel that particular two miles than it should have done.

As is the way with these things, the sun decided to come out for the first time in forever.  I was baking, motionless and with no alternative to hand, other than to relinquish my car to the verge and walk.  I didn't want to do this, having just paid a substantial part of my wages on a service.

So I decided to sit and think in a meditative mood, and try to imagine I was lying on a sunbed, under a thatched shade, on a Spanish beach.  It worked.  I started having relaxing, random thoughts.

One was about the why queues of motionless cars should be called 'traffic jam'.  This sounds like it should be something fun, tasty even.  Maybe the 'conserve' aspect of the title refers to the opportunity we are afforded to conserve our energy.  Hopefully no one feels 'fruity' while sitting, frustrated in their driving seats......

'Traffic marmalade' has a sunnier feel to it, with reassuring Paddington Bear connotations.  Everyone could get out of their cars and share a sandwich, 'elevensies' style. 

I don't think relating such situations to condiments would work.  Mustard should be English, French or wholegrain, not 'traffic mustard'.

Pickle, now that would be good, as in, 'we've all got ourselves in a pickle on this section of the M25'.  Traffic reports would be loads more fun to listen to, with 'serious pickles', 'chunky pickles' (where there are lorries involved), 'piccalilli' (if double yellow lines and those annoying yellow criss cross boxes were being ignored).

Eventually I reached the conclusion that 'traffic glue' was the most suitable term.