Saturday 29 June 2013

Bagels - Inherent Design Issues

Bagels.

I had one for breakfast today.

First it was toasted successfully, no smoke coming out of the toaster.  A liberal coating of butter was applied, and them some rather delicious strawberry jam, full of promising chunky bits of what looked like real fruit.  I say 'real fruit' because in the UK there was a nasty rumour going round some years ago that raspberry jam had sawdust in it, to create a pip effect.  Also, when I was having my tonsils out as a seven year old, I remember a nurse looming down on me with a large spoonful of jam.  She said words to the effect of, 'eat this lovely jam', with accompanying 'mmmmm' noises.

Like a lamb to the slaughter, I took the bait and found I had a mouthful of anaesthetic.   These episodes obviously traumatised me and I have suffered a mistrust of jam ever since, although you will be pleased to hear I work hard at overcoming this negativity.

Anyway, I sat down to enjoy my breakfast, and as I took a bite out of my bagel, was distressed and embarrassed to note that one of the aforementioned chunks was sliding down my arm.  It was leaving a gooey trail.  A casual observer might have become alarmed, thinking I had woken up unhappy, and used one of the butter knives to absolve myself from this mortal coil.  Fortunately, this was not the case, and a squishy lump of strawberry had slithered through the hole in the middle of the bagel.

So who's idea was that?

What is the point of a hole in the middle of a bagel?

I know there are holes in polo mints, but no one is going to apply fruit conserves or butter to a polo mint.  There are holes in some inferior forms of doughnut, but these don't even have jam in them, so no breakfast leakage issues there.  It was suggested to me that the holes were handy for multiple bagel storage.  Americans do have some habits which appear alien to the UK visitor, but I wasn't convinced this was one of them.

However, I have also been told that if the dough rises enough in cooking the hole should 'heal up'.  So, come on America, get rid of those holes and end breakfast embarrassment!


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