Picnic Perfection

It's the weekend and it's sunny! Hooray! I'm off to the park with a picnic, wine, dips, strawberries, good company. There is a magical place, near a stream in the woodland. In the spring fox cubs frolic around, possibly having enjoyed eating the bunnies that used to frolic there previously.

I'm a bit of a picnic perfectionist. The knack to a good picnic is not to use paper plates that bend, tipping your food onto the ground, or horrid plastic cups that crumple, pinging your wine over the edge. If you are drinking a lovely wine, you need a lovely glass. It's worth the weight to fun ratio to pack the real thing. A proper wicker hamper is an asset too, but heavy to carry if you are planning on being further than 10m from the car park - although the serious picnicker will always make sure they can't see any cars from where they settle to indulge. (How many times have I visited beauty spots to see people on their folding chairs sitting looking at the side of their car? A strange British phenomenon indeed). The food needs to be of the salad and quiche variety, not sandwiches in triangular plastic containers, that's just a snack lunch, not a picnic.

It's important not to have any time constraints, you need to be able to relax into the event without clock watching. To completely relax, the correct picnic rug is essential. Too thin, and your enjoyment will be marred by tree roots and a bit of dampness seeping through. Pick a blanket that has a warm fabric top and sensible plastic underlay. You can lie on that for hours, staring at the underneaths of leaves against the blue sky. (I always think that summer has really arrived when you find yourself looking at the undersides of leaves). You are allowed a momentary frown when a puffy little white cloud floats past. If you have picked the day well, this won't happen often. Enjoy the feeling that the only thing worth worrying about at that moment is the density and frequency of clouds.

When siting your rug, check the area carefully for young children and dog walkers, and make sure there are suitable bushes nearby for 'comfort breaks'. Particularly important if settling near a stream with all those trickly noises.

To avoid unappealing orangutan arms, it is useful to have a strong, polite person included in the invitation as they will undoubtedly offer to carry the hamper. It also adds to picnic perfection if you can take along someone to snog. These last two duties can often be combined successfully.

So forget the barbeque, pack a hamper, and phone a friend.