One complaint I have about California (apart from why it isn't closer to England), is that stuff costs a lot in the shops. The other week, I had a few perfunctory items in my basket, and the cost was about double what I would have expected to pay in the UK.
Today I went shopping in a store that is best described as a cross between Waitrose (supermarket chain in the UK where people with 'staff' shop) and an upmarket health food store (I'm thinking of that place in Kensington, where Biba used to be). I decided to buy some shampoo. I had suffered a traumatic incident while last in the bath tub. My shampoo that had come with me from the UK was a trendy bottle that you keep upside down, so the 'pro-nutrient vitagel' will come out easily. Sadly, it came out too easily as I hadn't put the lid on properly. The next time I ran a bath, I was confused by the white lake round the plug hole, and then realised what had happened. So, almost needing to take a small mortgage out, I bought some shampoo from the smart store. I didn't have my glasses on, but I am quite adept at recognising the shape of the word from many baths were I have felt frustrated by the small print on the bottles, and squirted conditioner on first.
By the time I had climbed back up the hill to my apartment in sizzling heat, I needed a shower, so thought I would test drive my new shampoo.
This is the moment for my second complaint about California, the packaging on everything is so thoroughly sealed you need a chainsaw to get at them. I thought the chainsaws were for the trees, but no, it is so you can release your exciting new product, wrapped in plastic and sealed with the same stuff barnacles attach themselves to ships with. So I'm standing in the shower (a bit cold because it seems to take forever for the hot water to come down the pipes, which must go to the UK and back), and realise my new shampoo needs a screwdriver or similar to get through the foil seal. I'm gnawing with my teeth, usually a successful method, but no, I ended up clawing and poking with my finger nails until I finally made a hole suitably sized for the release of shampoo.
Or so I thought.
The shampoo was so viscous it was the consistency of tar. I was genuinely so confused, I thought I might have bought carpet shampoo by mistake. Not having my glasses and thinking the smart shop probably didn't mix 'wholegrain hummus for hippies' with ironmongery, smeared it on my head. It was quite odd. It was more like trying to ice a cake than wash my hair. I let the luke warm water sort it out for a while, but it was a strange experience. Annoyingly I realised as I got out, that the bottle I had thought was 'make your bathroom so shiny you don't feel embarrassed when visitors use it unexpectedly' was in fact shampoo, that would have saved me all the bother.
I have noticed the roads in California don't have potholes, it must be due to disillusioned hairdressers pouring the shampoo onto the road.
Today I went shopping in a store that is best described as a cross between Waitrose (supermarket chain in the UK where people with 'staff' shop) and an upmarket health food store (I'm thinking of that place in Kensington, where Biba used to be). I decided to buy some shampoo. I had suffered a traumatic incident while last in the bath tub. My shampoo that had come with me from the UK was a trendy bottle that you keep upside down, so the 'pro-nutrient vitagel' will come out easily. Sadly, it came out too easily as I hadn't put the lid on properly. The next time I ran a bath, I was confused by the white lake round the plug hole, and then realised what had happened. So, almost needing to take a small mortgage out, I bought some shampoo from the smart store. I didn't have my glasses on, but I am quite adept at recognising the shape of the word from many baths were I have felt frustrated by the small print on the bottles, and squirted conditioner on first.
By the time I had climbed back up the hill to my apartment in sizzling heat, I needed a shower, so thought I would test drive my new shampoo.
This is the moment for my second complaint about California, the packaging on everything is so thoroughly sealed you need a chainsaw to get at them. I thought the chainsaws were for the trees, but no, it is so you can release your exciting new product, wrapped in plastic and sealed with the same stuff barnacles attach themselves to ships with. So I'm standing in the shower (a bit cold because it seems to take forever for the hot water to come down the pipes, which must go to the UK and back), and realise my new shampoo needs a screwdriver or similar to get through the foil seal. I'm gnawing with my teeth, usually a successful method, but no, I ended up clawing and poking with my finger nails until I finally made a hole suitably sized for the release of shampoo.
Or so I thought.
The shampoo was so viscous it was the consistency of tar. I was genuinely so confused, I thought I might have bought carpet shampoo by mistake. Not having my glasses and thinking the smart shop probably didn't mix 'wholegrain hummus for hippies' with ironmongery, smeared it on my head. It was quite odd. It was more like trying to ice a cake than wash my hair. I let the luke warm water sort it out for a while, but it was a strange experience. Annoyingly I realised as I got out, that the bottle I had thought was 'make your bathroom so shiny you don't feel embarrassed when visitors use it unexpectedly' was in fact shampoo, that would have saved me all the bother.
I have noticed the roads in California don't have potholes, it must be due to disillusioned hairdressers pouring the shampoo onto the road.
No comments:
Post a Comment