Don't try swimming with your eyes closed.

My swim in the outdoor pool yesterday was made marginally more uncomfortable by the fact that my swimming costume hadn't dried out from the swim the day before. Putting on a damp cozzie and then running, in sub-zero temperatures, from the changing room to the water is a less than welcoming experience. At least the water was pleasantly warm (like the Caribbean Sea it says on the posters, designed to lure the reluctant swimmer in). I cruised along on my back, swirling my arms around, but the bright sunshine meant I had to close my eyes. Its quite tricky, swimming with your eyes closed, so I tried swimming with one eye closed and the other fixed on the lane rope, but after zig zagging down the lane bumping into a couple of people, realised this wasn't going to work. I tried breast stroke (not my best as I have never been able to stop my legs 'scissoring') but again had to close my eyes due to the sun. After nearly garrotting myself on the lane rope, I decided this wasn't a good idea either. At least I must have been providing entertainment for the life-guards.

I used to be a life-guard, it is as boring a job as it looks. Out of two year's work, I can remember two things; not being able to get out of the 'high chair' due to my vertigo (luckily no one drowned while I waited for a colleague to get back from his tea-break), and fishing for turds with a net on a long pole (its really hard, as they roll away from the net as soon as it is about a centimetre away and you have to be careful not to get into a 'smearing' situation).

So if you are going to do back stroke in a pool, keep your eyes open, make sure you have shaved your arm-pits and if you see a life-guard with a net its time to get out and have your shower.