I heard that this was the most searched for phrase online, so thought I would put it to the test and welcome all insomniacs to my blog.
So, hello to you all. I expect some might be reading this in the middle of the night, in your nightie or jim jams, maybe with a soothing hot drink, listening to owls hooting outside. You will need soothing, because not being able to sleep is horrid, so you have my sympathy.
I have some nuggets of advice, which you can either take, or disregard and go back to staring at the ceiling in the dark, with occasional panic stricken looks at the alarm clock.
Firstly it doesn't actually matter if you can't get to sleep. You will still function tomorrow. You know this is true because there have been lots of other nights you haven't slept, and you are still you.
Secondly, you might actually be asleep some of the time you think you are awake. I know it is maddening when people say this, but it is true. I used to think I was staring at the patterns on the wallpaper, joining up bouquets of flowers into geometric designs, and yet would be snoring away.
How seriously disappointing is that? My dreams are just like being awake. I still feel depressed when I think about it. (I once had a dream about blocked toilets, that wasn't so good either). I know people who have flying dreams. Unfair, but life is like that sometimes. Maybe I should also stop buying wallpaper that you can line things up on. I do it with the bathroom tiles too - lie in the water and make zigzags that bounce off the corners of the room. I'd better stop this, I'm sounding like a seriously sad person.....where was I? Oh yes.....
Thirdly, remember you are not alone, although it certainly feels like it in the depths of darkness. There are thousands of people not sleeping at that moment as well. People being kept awake by screaming babies, pain, noisy neighbours, snoring partners - lots of things. There are also lots of people awake because it is daytime where they are, so think of them shopping in hot, sunny, exotic markets, buying strangely shaped fruit and vegetables (this is one thing I have particularly noticed on my travels, real fruit and veg comes in knobbly shapes, not uniform and vacuum wrapped). Having radio 4 on very quietly helps, especially if there is a programme about politics or economics. Keep the radio close by so it takes the minimum of movement to turn it off when you can't take comments on the Eurozone any more. Have it about where your hand lands when you drop your arm over the side of the bed. Don't worry about disturbing your partner, the Eurozone is so dull, it will help them sleep too.
You could always give up even trying to sleep and use the time productively, being artistic and expressive (quietly so as not to annoy everyone else in the household). It takes a certain amount of courage to actively give up even trying to sleep, to turn the light on and do something else, because you will be panicking about counting hours of slumber. I daringly suggest that it won't hurt to try - that if one pattern of behaviour isn't working, trying something different might be sensible.
Another really silly thing is about closing your eyes. I know that sounds just the stupidest thing ever, but when you get anxious, I bet you are lying there with your eyes wide open. So, let them droop closed and think about somewhere lovely you once visited, and walk around that place. I have a walk I go on, on a Hebridean island. I think about each step and the view, the breeze, the sea, the shapes the clouds make. Even if it doesn't send me to sleep, it makes me feel nice.
Try to lower your expectations. Stop expecting to sleep, and aim to just relax instead.
So, to summarise; remember you are not alone even though it feels like it; it really doesn't matter if you are awake all night - that your panic about lack of sleep is almost certainly worse than the reality; and once in bed, make sure those eyes are closed.
So, hello to you all. I expect some might be reading this in the middle of the night, in your nightie or jim jams, maybe with a soothing hot drink, listening to owls hooting outside. You will need soothing, because not being able to sleep is horrid, so you have my sympathy.
I have some nuggets of advice, which you can either take, or disregard and go back to staring at the ceiling in the dark, with occasional panic stricken looks at the alarm clock.
Firstly it doesn't actually matter if you can't get to sleep. You will still function tomorrow. You know this is true because there have been lots of other nights you haven't slept, and you are still you.
Secondly, you might actually be asleep some of the time you think you are awake. I know it is maddening when people say this, but it is true. I used to think I was staring at the patterns on the wallpaper, joining up bouquets of flowers into geometric designs, and yet would be snoring away.
How seriously disappointing is that? My dreams are just like being awake. I still feel depressed when I think about it. (I once had a dream about blocked toilets, that wasn't so good either). I know people who have flying dreams. Unfair, but life is like that sometimes. Maybe I should also stop buying wallpaper that you can line things up on. I do it with the bathroom tiles too - lie in the water and make zigzags that bounce off the corners of the room. I'd better stop this, I'm sounding like a seriously sad person.....where was I? Oh yes.....
Thirdly, remember you are not alone, although it certainly feels like it in the depths of darkness. There are thousands of people not sleeping at that moment as well. People being kept awake by screaming babies, pain, noisy neighbours, snoring partners - lots of things. There are also lots of people awake because it is daytime where they are, so think of them shopping in hot, sunny, exotic markets, buying strangely shaped fruit and vegetables (this is one thing I have particularly noticed on my travels, real fruit and veg comes in knobbly shapes, not uniform and vacuum wrapped). Having radio 4 on very quietly helps, especially if there is a programme about politics or economics. Keep the radio close by so it takes the minimum of movement to turn it off when you can't take comments on the Eurozone any more. Have it about where your hand lands when you drop your arm over the side of the bed. Don't worry about disturbing your partner, the Eurozone is so dull, it will help them sleep too.
You could always give up even trying to sleep and use the time productively, being artistic and expressive (quietly so as not to annoy everyone else in the household). It takes a certain amount of courage to actively give up even trying to sleep, to turn the light on and do something else, because you will be panicking about counting hours of slumber. I daringly suggest that it won't hurt to try - that if one pattern of behaviour isn't working, trying something different might be sensible.
Another really silly thing is about closing your eyes. I know that sounds just the stupidest thing ever, but when you get anxious, I bet you are lying there with your eyes wide open. So, let them droop closed and think about somewhere lovely you once visited, and walk around that place. I have a walk I go on, on a Hebridean island. I think about each step and the view, the breeze, the sea, the shapes the clouds make. Even if it doesn't send me to sleep, it makes me feel nice.
Try to lower your expectations. Stop expecting to sleep, and aim to just relax instead.
So, to summarise; remember you are not alone even though it feels like it; it really doesn't matter if you are awake all night - that your panic about lack of sleep is almost certainly worse than the reality; and once in bed, make sure those eyes are closed.
